No Nation, Under No Gods or Masters: Paul A. Toth for President of America

How do you run for President? According to Slate, "Technically, you don't need to fill out the paperwork until you've raised or spent $5,000 on your campaign; after that, you have 15 days to send the form to the FEC and the opposing candidates... In fact, you can dodge the whole bureaucracy if you can run for president without spending more than $5,000 of your own money. In the 1996 presidential campaign, Ralph Nader made a point of not filing a statement of candidacy; he came in fourth in the voting."

Therefore, I hereby announce myself, Paul A. Toth,

candidate for the Office of the United States Presidency,
and swear to undermine the laws of this nation.

United States Presidential Candidate Paul A. Toth

THE TOTH PLATFORM

No One Who Still

Believes in Promises Deserves One

My fellow Americans, it's time to stop gathering the 99 percent in protest and start gathering the 1 percent in mass graves. Beyond that, I propose the following humble actions upon my election:

• All elected officials will immediately be imprisoned. They're guilty of something; we don't need specifics.
• Corporations, en masse known as the Corporatist State, will be decimated, their wealth and goods distributed, and their Chief Executive Officers shipped to the Bikini Atoll "Concentrating Camp."
• The military, no longer owned by the nonexistent Corporatist State, shall be disbanded.
• All police, "security" and "soldiers of fortune" shall be terminated.
• Work is abolished. 
• Bosses, sheared of their dimwit power, status and prostitute-wives, may play golf 24 hours a day, instead of eight.
• The wealth and goods seized from the 1 percent shall be distributed equally between all remaining citizens.
• The children of the 1 percent shall be distributed as free orphans in a national "population lottery."
• At that point, all laws, institutions, etc., shall be abolished. The "government," a subsidiary of the Corporatist State, already doesn't exist. 

Admittedly, this platform, if accomplished, may lead to an endless spectacle of violence and chaos. Nobody's perfect. But if we must live on the entertainment of violent and chaotic spectacles, let them be ours.

What happens next is up to you and human techno-nature as devolved since the dusk of consciousness. 

Whatcha YOU Gonna Do

In the Funhouse?